Sarah's Journal

UGH

2006-06-21T01:43:25Z

Grrrr. Boys are stupid. They're not supposed to like me. They never do, and now suddenly, I have 2 (possibly 3) that like me, and won't stop talking to me. WHAT"S GOING ON???!! I'm mean to them cuz that's how I am, and I'm only like that to my friends (or people I really dislike), NOT CUZ I'M FLIRTING WITH THEM/LIKE THEM. lksmdco;iwnmva. Why is it. That whenever I seem to find someone worth liking, they either don't notice me, or don't like me as anything more than a friend, but then other guys (who I'm only friends with) can find things to like about me? I don't get it. And they need to stop talking to me EVERY TIME THAT I COME ONLINE. I mean, COME ON. There's only so much you can say to me. And continueing to ask me id I'll go out with you will NOT help your chances, btw. Really. It's not going to make me like you. Aond don't be surprised if I stop talking to you in person, either. It's how I deal with this. Really. I suck like that.

ON THE BRIGHT side, it's summer now! Which means I'm free! And no longer grounded! YAY!!!! So. Tomorrow is my first full, free day. No idea what I'm planning to do, but not important. I figure sleeping in is a good start. Also quite happy cuz I'm losing the winter weight, and eating healthier and everything. But I feel somewhat icky at the same time cuz since dance has stopped, the only excersize I've been getting is walking to places, and sit ups that I do before bed. I might start riding my bike or something. Maybe. Could possibly prove to be a good source of excersize...i might buy a pair of rollerblades though, cuz I used to have loads of fun doing that. But I outgrew mine like 4 years ago. Hmm. Maybe my parents will buy me some. And then I can be happy and even days where I don't do fun things with friends, I can at least pretend that I did something productive. OH! Speaking of productive, I'm going to be rearranging my bedroom. I've got it all planned out, and my daddy's going to help me move things, and I'm also going to help paint our front porch soon, so it'll be all pretty again. Whee, I'm excited. And also, for my birthday, I'm thinking I'll ask my parents for a tv for my room. I think that's what I really want this year. Or I'll ask my grandparents if my parents say no. Haha. Peace out, homies.

stripeytiger @ 2006-05-22T15:30:00

2006-05-22T19:55:58Z

So. PROM IS ON THURSDAY. I am so. freakin. excited. It's going to be so amazing. Even though it's not my prom, I'm really excited to go anyways. I got my dress on Saturday, and I love it so much. I also got shoes, a shawl thing, a necklace, earings, and a purse.
Here's my dress:

And shoes:

And ya. So Karl's brother is driving us, so we can get there after the limo and everyone else gets there. I talked to Sarah M last night, and I told her that I don't think Steve's gonna have much of a reaction, cuz he's boring like that, and likes to suck the fun out of things. And she said that if me and Karl walk in, acting all cool abd casual, with his arm around me (Sarah says we need to be "pimpin"), then Steve will have some kind of reaction. I hope so. That's half the fun of going, to freak Steve out. Hahaha. It's gonna be funny. Also, Sarah asked if I was going to the afterparty, and I said that I don't know, cuz my parents say I can, but Steve might not let me. And she said that it's not up to him, its up to her and Julia and Rachel :P which basically means I can go, cuz they can overpower him. It's just a question of getting me there, cuz I have no ride at this point, lol. And I don't even know where the dinner/dance actually IS. Lol, the tickets are so low budget, they've got an address on them, but not the name of the place. SO ANYWAYS I'm very very excited, and I'm getting my nails and eyebrows done tomorrow after school, and my hair is getting done on Thursday. Then I get to hang out and wait for Emma to get Steve out of the house.

Why don't guys that I like ever like me back? And why do the ones who I'm friends with insist on liking me? Tyler wasn't supposed to like me. And James certainly isn't. He told me last night that he does. I told him that I don't like him as anything more than a friend. He said he knew I was going to say that, and he kept telling me how pretty I am and stuff, and then he got all weird, saying how he would do anythign for me, and he'd die for me. CREEPY. I dunno, he was drinking (Smirnoff he said), so that might explain it. But still really weird. Way to creep someone out, James. UGH. Boys are stupid, they don't cooperate with what I want. And he didn't have to tell me, either. Just makes it weird.

I want togo to the fireworks tongiht...I go like, every year. And it's not rainy anymore, so I really want to go. Going to the beach at night is possibly the funnest thing in the world. And fireworks just make it a million times better.

stripeytiger @ 2006-05-10T20:49:00

2006-05-11T02:25:42Z

Well. My brain has been confusing me lately. I just really want the summer to come, and for school to be over. Of course, if I fail math, I'll still be in summer school, and my summer will be officially over, because that means no camp, and no fun. I just can't stand being at school lately. It just seems like such a waste. Half the people I hang out with are just bothering me so much lately, but I can't even say how. They just do. My family's been bugging me a bit lately, too. Dad just got home from that business trip on Monday, and then last night, when he called my mom, he said he was leaving the office in 20 minutes. An hour and a half later, my mom calls the office and talks to one of the guys who my dad works with, and he was telling her that Dad had already left and all that but, my mom knew that he hadn't, so she was getting all mad, and saying how Dad's always lying to her about stuff like that, and everything. She was getting really angry at the guy on the phone, and when she hung up, she was swearing to herself. She NEVER does that. Sometimes (quite often, actually) she mumbles to herself when she's upset, but she hardly ever swears and stuff. My dad didn't get home till past 1 in the morning. Apparently he went out with his work buddies after work. Bothers me that he didn't want to come home...he's always busy, and it takes a long time to get his attention, especially when he's on the computer or something. And Mom still likes to call me chunky. But then she'll tell me that I'm skinny, or have a flat stomach. Well, I'm not, and I don't, but she tells me I do. And then she basically calls me fat?! UGH I don't know what she wants. She wants me to be skinny, but tells me I'm fat and skinny at the same time. I eat a lot of unhealthy foods, she tells me I shouldn't. I cut down on crappy foods, and she asks me if I'm anorexic. JKMNDKJND. Stupid.

Jazz today wasn't as bad as it usually is...the teacher didn't tell me that I wasn't expressing any emotion, at least. I'm trying so hard, but I can't use my expression to portray what's being said in the song. It's not that I don't like lyrical, because I do. It's just that I've always had a hard time pouring out my feelings right away, especially when it's something that I don't generally like to talk about (if that makes sense). The song we're dancing to is called Beautifully Broken, and my teacher would rather us focus on the "beautiful" aspect of the lyrics, rather than the "broken" part. She says we have to make the audience believe that WE think that we're beautiful, and all this other stuff that relates to the lyrics. Well, first of all, I don't think I'm beautiful. And second, how am I supposed to act like I think I'm beautiful?? I don't know how to do that. And there's a part where me and another girl are dancing by ourselves, and the words are something about being filled with hope, and another chance or something? I can't do it. I CAN'T make my face look like I'm filled with hope. I'm not that good of an actress. And my teacher tells me every time we do the dance, that I need to use my face, and at least LOOK like I'm filled with hope. She says I just look like I'm not enjoying the dance at all. Which isn't true, btw. I don't know what I'm supposed to do...we only have 2 more classes. Maybe costumes will help? I dunno. I really wanted today to be costume day, but apparently they're not all done. So I have to wait till next week.

I don't want to be grounded anymore. I hate being at home, there's nothing to do except watch tv or sit in my room, and I'm starting to feel like a mushroom. Going for walks isn't all that fun by myself, and there's no one around to go with. I hate that I'm not allowed out, and the fact that (assuming I pass math) I'm at camp for 4 weeks means that I won't see my friends for 4 weeks. I'm gonna die. I get Ashley, of course, but it's not the same as having everyone else around. I don't typicall get homesick, I just start to miss my friends at home, and start to really hate the people I have to hang around with. Think about it. 4 weeks straight with the same group of about 12 girls. Half will be annoying, some will be interesting for a while, and the rest I'll probably get tired of after a while. Actually, there's usually a few that aren't too bad, but whatever. I'm actually really mad because I can't go see Panic. I can't believe that I'm not allowed to go home...I know some of the LITs went home between weeks last year, and I don't see why I can't this summer. It's just not fair, now I have to sell my ticket, and someone else gets to go, but I don't.

I need to pamper myself for a day. I feel like crap, emotionally and physically. I need to make myself feel loved for a day, and make my skin clear up. I feel so gross, my skin is all nasty lately. Probably related to stress. That can happen, right? And I haven't painted my nails in ages, and I want to feel pretty for a day. I did for a while, but that was forever ago, and that feeling went away. I want it to come back, so maybe pampering myself for a day will do it?

SO

2006-05-01T01:42:21Z

I haven't been quite right lately. I don't know why though...usually when I get all funny, it's at the same time every month, if you know what I mean. But not this time, cuz that wouldn't be right. A lot of things have been bothering me. Example number 1: my weight. Why won't my body just do what I want it to? I try eating healthier, it doesn't do much, then I eat some crappy food and gain like 5 pounds. I'm 125 lbs!!! I've never wrighed that much in my life. I'm happy when I'm at 118. That's like, 7 lbs more than I want. ARG. I will try again, I suppose. Only more excersize and less junk this time (don't worry, I'm being good). Example 2: MY MOM is driving me crazy. We hardly ever fight, because neither of us will stick around long enough for anything to escalate into an argument. Like, I got my report card, and that always brings on the "What do you want to do when youre done highschool" conversation, which really means "what are you going to be when you grow up". We had a bit of a fight, because I just don't know. Well, I kinda do, but I'm not telling her that, because then that will mean more pressure to be it. I may want to do it as a career, but that doesn't mean I can. I'm way too bad at the subjects that I'd probably need most, and I'm not going to get any better at them. I've been trying for like, 10 years now, and if it hasn't worked yet, chances are it won't. She (and my dad) won't go for that though. They want me to get a tutor for math. I DON'T WANT A TUTOR. I know I'm failing math. But I just can't understand what a tutor can do for me. If I don't remember how to do things20 minutes after it's been explained to me, what good is it going to be if I have someone there telling me how to do my homework? It's the tests I can't do. Everything looks the same on them. I'm pretty sure a tutor isn't going to help. So that makes her mad too, when I present that argument. Also, does she really need to cll me fat? She should talk, she's actually overweight. Blah blah blah, she's losing weight and going to Curves....whatever. I excersize, and if she notices me not stuffing my face with food, she asks if I'm anorexic. AND THEN CALLS ME FAT OR "CHUNKY" LATER. UGH!!!!! What does she want? I don't even care if she calls me fat at home or whatever, but does she really need to do it around other people? She does NOT need to call me fat around my dance teachers, around Steven's friends, or anyone else. That is not fair. I tell her to stop and she laughs. And then she does it again. And calls me anorexic if I don't eat a lot at dinner!!! LKJNSCFLUSCNLONHC. I HATE THAT! Example 3: "Friends". No, not the good kind. The ones who act like assholes all the time, then deny what they're doing. And when asked why they're being so annoying they answer "cuz it's funny". Herm. Well, if you're gonna make me feel like crap, don't ask why I look upset 10 minutes later. Take a wild guess what's wrong. If you dislike me/us enough to be that mean/inconsiderate, then leave. There's no one begging you to stay. Example 4: Don't write nasty things, ditch us for a while, then come back, expecting us to welcome you with open arms. That's not how friendship works. It has to go both ways, and you can't come back just because you can't find anything better, and your "real" friends go to a different school. You have to at least make some kind of an effort. And not be such a complete ass to these second-rate "friends" of yours. It's just not nice.

There was more that I was upset about last week, but I can't think of what it is, so it can't have been that important, I guess. Well, that was nice to get out. Something tomorrow is guaranteed to bother me though, cuz new things just keep popping up.

So this weekend I did the 30 hour famine, and it wasn't too bad. I got very very hungry, tired, and headachey, but I survived. Did it with some people at my church, and we watched movies, played manhunt, and did an amazing race-type thing. And then ordered chinese food when we were done. It was soooo good. Then I went home and went to the dance competeition. We left the house at around 8:00, and Steve was dancing at 10:30ish. The dancing was so much better than it was at the last comp, and the jusdging was much better. But the building this one was in was horrible. It was like, a giant warehouse, with a stage and seating put in. Bad. The sound system just did not work for the building. The music was very very loud, yet you could still hear people talking all around you, and it echoed like crazy. Someone's musical theatre number's music cut out, too. Right in the middle, the music just stopped playing. They finished the dance, and got to re-do it. They got a platinum score, and it was really good. My favorite dance was an open one, and it was to the Crazy Frog song? The girls were wearing lime green tutus, and started out wearing pointe shoes. For the first bit of the dance, they were on point, and doing a bit of tap stuff. Then half the group went offstage, and put tap shoes on, came out (and the other half went off and changed shoes) and did the rest of the dance as a tap number. It was amazing, and really really fun. I'm pretty sure they got 1st place platinum score. Steve's group dance was the last dance of the night, and they got a gold score. Not bad. Then we went home, but I got a greek salad on the way, and it was soooo tasty. I love greek salad so much, you don't even know.

That's all I have to say today. Except also I might be going to prom. No more details yet though. It's a secret still, so shh ;).
The end.

UGH

2006-04-22T16:12:14Z

I haven't written in here in like, a bazillion years. Not a whole lot has been happening, and plus I'm still grounded so that makes it hard to write stuff. Well, Tyler likes me (and so does his friend, apparently), and I don't get why? I hardly ever talk to him, and when we do talk, I'm not very nice to him. I don't get it. So he emailed me telling me that he likes me, and me and Angela emailed him back. Apparently he didn't like my response, lol. Or that's what he told Kyla, I think. I've been treating him the way I always have, but now he thinks I'm mad at him or something. Ugh. I don't want to change around him and be all nice, because then he might think I like him back, and that would just be bad. KLJNCSUICNUIUBF I HATE ALLERGIES. I've been awake for less than an hour today, and I've already sneezed like, 10 times. And the whole inside of my head is itchy. And my eyes are tiny, red and swollen. Allergies are sucky, and come to think of it, so is my pills. They take like, 3 days to start working. Boo.
What else has been going on....I've been in a permanent bad mood lately. Basically everything and everyone has been bothering me, and I don't even know why. Just the little things have been bugging me. But I can't bring myself to say exactly what here, cuz I dunno. I'm afraid of confrontation, I guess? So. I may or may not be finally losing the weight I've been gaining lately. I was 125 lbs like, last week or something, and then I weighed myself yesterday and I was 123. So I'm happy about that. I've been eating less crappy foods lately, except for my easter candy. Though my mom thinks I'm anorexic now. Just because I don't like the food she's been cooking lately, and therefore eating not a lot of it, does not mean that I'm starving myself.

I'm so excited, my application for the LIT program at Doe got there, and the lit coordinator called me yesterday to arrange the interview, and we scheduled it for Monday at around 4. Haha, but apparently she's heard so much about me from Amanda (my counselor from last year and last years waterfront coordinator) that I'm pretty much in already. I'm so excited, I'll be at Doe for 4 weeks. I'll miss everyone here, but camp is one of my most favorite places to be.
Later today I have to go to a party at my Uncle's house. It's a going away party for Badar (exchange student staying with them), and it should be pretty fun. It's rainging though, so that means the party will be inside. I think it will be fun, cuz a bunch of my family that I haven't seen since christmas will be there. Apparently Mack got like, 3 tattoos. I'm not sure exactly who's gonna be there. But chances are that Kaylee's gangster friends will be there (at least a few of them). It'll be funny. I need to have a shower soon...Emma is coming over to watch movies with Steven, and I don't think she'll appreciate me walking around in my pj shorts and a really gross looking tank top, lol. Plus my hair is nasty, so I have to wash it. And dry and straighten it UGH. That will take me forever. Boo.

ljwsnviowvspslk

2006-04-02T05:30:00Z

Ugh. I don't even know what's been going on with me lately. I feel like crap...but have no reason to. Ezcept every little thing that anyone does bothers me, even if it normally wouldn't. It's annoying. It may be my typical PMS type thing, and if it is, it seriously needs to stop. This is stupid, every month I get extra stupid and emotional and sensitive. My mom has been bothering me more and more lately. Like, she has an opinion about everything, and she always says it. Arg. She doesn't seem to understand that perhaps there's a reason that something is a certain way? Just because you see or hear one little thing about someone or something, doesn't mean that it's true all the time, for everyone. Other stuff that's been bothering me? Myself, of course. Those 3 friggin pounds from March break are still in my possesion, and I can't get rid of it. And it IS a big deal to me, cuz I can see the difference that 3 lbs makes. And if it's such a small amount, then it shouldn't matter to anyone else that I want to lose it. And I've just been BOTHERING myself. I don't even know how, I just know that if I had to hang around me, I would have gotten annoyed by now. I've felt like crying...but then I feel bad, because I have absolutely no reason to feel bad right now, and I only have self pity at the moment. There's nothing specifically wrong in my life...except I'm just so sick of it. It's boring to no end, I never have anything to do, and I go through the same routines all the time. There's no variety, I guess you could say. Nothing new ever happens. I never meet new people or do new things. It's always the same thing over and over again. One of the things that's probably stopping me from doing anything new and exciting is my lack of motivation. I can never be bothered to do the things that I know I really want to do. Like that whole less junk food thing? Ya, hardly. Sure, I've been eating less crap than I did over the break, but still way more than I should be. And my excersize thing, I just can't get myself to do it on my own time. Ya, dance is good and stuff, but I've been wanting to do some stuff on my own, and I just cannot bring myself to actually do it. There's probably different reasons for not wanting to do things. Like...I still care an awful lot about what everyone else thinks. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it. And don't tell me it doesn't matter what people think of me, because it does. People who I thought were friends are the most judging people ever...and everyone talks about people...it's not my fault that I don't want to be the topic of negative conversation. Another reason I don't do things would be that I get very scared that things won't turn out how I want. For example...I new that I wanted to update my livejournal today, cuz I had a bunch of stuff I needed to get out. Yet, it took me forever to finally get onto the site, and start writing. I was worried that what I really wanted to say, I wouldn't actually be able to write out. And I was right. I still haven't said what I really wanted to say. I won't today, either...just because I don't know how to say it. And I don't know if I want anyone to read it at this point. I don't even know if I'll remember what it is by the time I update again. Whatever, if I don't I'll know that it obviously wasn't imprtant enough to write down, right?

wow...

2006-03-25T23:56:36Z

Oh my gosh, I just got home from the pre-competition showcase, and it was amazing. Like, so so so good. Steve and Evans duet was amazing, my mom was crying, lol. Rachel's solos were good too, and everyone elses were great too. It was SUCH a long show though. 25 numbers in the first half, and 27 in the second. And Steve was 25 and 27 in the second act. I can't wait to go to the real comps now, because I think the studio's gonna do really good. I might not have to go to school on friday, too, cuz Steve's duet is friday at 4:30, which means he (we) have to be there at 3:30, which means we'll have to leave at like, 2 ish. It's somewhere at York University. So ya. And that's only the first comp of the season, and the studio's going to 3 this year.

We didn't have to go to school yesterday. Apparently there was a power out at the school, so the school was closed. I went to Katelyn's and we watched Cursed and the Fall Out Boy dvd. And then we went shopping, and then to Kyla's, and we had pizza, and fought on the bed. It was fairly amazing. And I went home at like, 11:30. And then I watched the Disney Vacation Planning dvd with my family. It was fun, especially since one of the people showing stuff around the parks was a pretty boy.

I need to find something to do. I'm crazy bored at the moment. I might clean my room, cuz the messiness of it is driving me crazy.

i feel good...i think?

2006-03-23T02:35:16Z

I've been feeling slightly crappy lately. I didn't get any excersize over the break, and excersize makes me happy. And it also burns off all the crappy food I keep eating. I gained 3 or 4 lbs over the break, too. I could tell that I got heavier, so I weighed myself, and I was right. Grr. But I had dance today, and it was actually really good. My jazz teacher is very happy because I've started leaving the floor when I do leaps and jumps. And my turns are getting a bit better. AND I can get through our dance fairly well. And tap is never really hard for me. Except one thing does bother me, and it probably shouldn't. Arg. Ok, there's only 4 girls in my tap class. Me, Laura, Caitlyn, and Alison. Well, I know what I look like. And Laura's tall and pretty skinny (not gross skinny though). Caitlyn is like....pre-puberty still, and like, 3 inches shorter than me (but maybe not that much) and Alison is like 10 feet tall with no curves at all. Do we see a pattern? I do. But if you haven't figured it out I won't tell you. But yes, it bugs me.

Yesterday I was allowed out of the house for Katelyn's birthday, and it was so fun. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe and ate tasty food and Katelyn had to stand on a chair, and we went to the giant HMV and walked around and stuff. It was pretty fun.

AH!! I'm so excited. My dad might be moving his office/the computer(s) from the basement to the back room. It will be amazing, cuz I'll be able to see outside while on the computer and not feel like a mushroom. But, there is a possibility at the moment of losing his job? Or something? I really have no idea what's going on, but the company is having some troubles. So. It's kinda weird. I'd love for him to move the computer(s) upstairs anyways. It'll be so much nicer. And then we'd have more room in the basement, and I could have people over during holidays and stuff, and it won't matter if he's working or not. Eek, I'm excited.

I am very hungry though, cuz it's 9:33 and I haven't eaten anything since lunch. Ahhh, I had a danish from Timmy's this morning on the bus, and it was sooo good.

long time no write, eh?

2006-03-17T04:19:32Z

So. This is weird, nothing really "big" has been happening lately, but I feel like so much has been going on. I don't even know what though. So March break has not been what I expected. Not at all. No Niagara fall, like it was promised. And no snowboarding, either. But I got to go to Buffalo, and Katelyn and Amanda came. It was really fun. I bought some new jeans, and a couple of shirts. One from American Eagle. So I can no longer say I haven't bought anything from there. And I've mostly just been hanging out with Angela and Katelyn. It has been intense, though. Loads of fun.

I've been feeling kinda weird lately. Somethings going on inside my mind, lol, and I haven't figured it out yet. It's like...mood swings...but not? I don't know. I DO know, however, that I am changing. Maybe. Like, lately I have been not feeling quite as ugly as I usually do. Crazy, I know. But then, I am still far from happy with myself. I need the weather to get nicer. Then I'll be happy, and able to set my plan into motion. I'm gonna make my legs and tummy all nice, before summer gets here. As opposed to doing it during the summer like I did last year. My plan includes riding my bike and doing crunches. Lots of crunches. It'll work. And then maybe I'll be a bit happier?

I feel weird writing in my lovely LJ again. I haven't in a while, and I'm not sure why. Actually, I might know why. But I'm not going to write it here. Being grounded is no fun. I never have anything to do. Between pretending to do my homework (and doing it sometimes), cleaning my room, and having heart to hearts with my brother, there just seems to be no time for anything else, lol. I also tend to shut myself in my room and listen to the same cds over and over again. It's boring, but I don't know what else I can do. I also "reflect" on myself and others at that time. "That time" being when I am doing absolutely nothing. Except possibly dancing around my room or staring at myself in my closet mirrors (I know, probably not the best thing for me to be doing). Some people are really starting to annoy me. I think that if you're going to say things that you know nothing about, you should be ready to have an argument about it. And NOT just state that you're right, and that I shouldn't argue with you. It's stupid. And I can't understand why he still hangs out with us, if we bother him so much. Hmm. Great mystery of the universe, I guess. "I'm an asshole and don't go to the same school as my friends. So I'll hang out with these guys, pretend to be a nice guy, and then once they trust and like me, I'll let my true personality shine through, cuz I know they think that I'm friends with them." Good philosophy, boy. If I didn't hate arguing online, and didn't want to get random people involved, you would have heard something by now. And I mean apart from us ignoring you most of the time.

Hmm. I feel kinda better now. Don't know why though. Maybe I actually enjoy writing in this thing? It makes me feel better about whatever I'm currently whining about (inside my head or out loud - whatever). I watched The OC for the second time today. I don't know what's wrong with me.

so sad :'(

2006-02-18T15:20:05Z

I'm not going to Florida on March break anymore. My dad's company is expecting some contracts to come through during that week, and he has to be here. It's not fair, a while ago they said that he could go. When my mom told me it looked like she was going to start crying, it was so sad. But she doesn't want us to be home the whole break, so we're planning on going to Niagara Falls for a weekend, and stay at a hotel and stuff, and then on the other weekend my dad is going to take me and Steve to Blue Mountain for snowboarding. And we'll stay at another hotel or the resort or something for a couple of nights. I'm excited about that I guess, but I REALLY wanted to go to Florida. The gross weather is making me miserable here, and Florida is a happy, warm place. It's such a letdown, and it sucks. But I do want to snowbaord, so I guess I'll deal.

My grandparents are coming down from Hamilton today. I don't really see why, but whatever. Apparently they want to see our new fireplace, but it's not even totally done, so I don't see the pont. I love my grandparents and stuff, but sometimes my Grandma drives me crazy. She's really close-minded, and stubborn about her views. And I feel bad about argueing with her, lol. They're coming at around noon, and then going home after dinner. Which ruins any plans that I might have been able to make for today. I could still do something tonight I guess, but I don't know if I want to (or if anyone's even around).

I'm worried about one of my friends. He's starting to scare me a bit, but I have no idea of what I could possibly do to help him. I'm not even 100% sure what's "wrong" with him at the moment. Like, I know what's going on right now, but I also know that there is more that I don't know about. I don't want to bug him about it though. I'll help him whenever he needs me.

stripeytiger @ 2006-02-12T22:10:00

2006-02-13T03:14:42Z

How many windows are in your room?: 1

What color are your walls? yellow and flowers

Hardwood floors, tile or carpet?: hardwood

Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?: mostly bedroom, but i wash my face/brush teeth in the bathroom

What kind of bed do you have? single with a white wooden frame thing?

What does your comforter look like?: its green :)

How many pillows do you have?: 1 normal one, two fleece ones (ones green/pink ones blue/purple) and a clear inflatable one with purple feathers inside

Is your room big? its not that tiny

Is it clean?: it is now!! i cleaned it today

do you have the following in your room:

[x] desk
[x] more than 3 sources of light
[x] phone
[x] chair
[x] book shelf
[x] dresser
[ ] TV
[x] CD player/stereo
[ ] bean bag chair
[ ] computer
[x] posters
[x] paintings
[x] pictures
[ ] walk in closet
[x] large mirror
[x] bed
[ ] drumset
[ ] bathroom
[x] clock
[ ] clothes on the floor (I USUALLY DO)
[x] box of tissues
[ ] guitar
[x] lava lamp
[ ] smoke detector
[used to] piano/keyboard
[ ] bongos
[x] a bin
[ ] locking door
[ ] can of soda
[ ] bottle of water
[ ] playstation or another game source
[ ] a blacklight
[x] something about your own country
[ ]medals
[x] trophies
[x] awards
[ ] water polo ball
[ ] soccer ball
[ ] softball stuff
[boots] ski/snowboard
[ ] saxophone
[ ] over 100 cds

Wheee, stolen from Amanda.

wheee, more survey

2006-02-11T04:55:26Z

SAD SECTION.
Ever really cried your heart out?: yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: mhm
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: not the friends i have right now i dont think
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yep
Do you cry when you get an injury?: if its really bad
Do certain songs make you cry?: yep

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: sometimes
What can make you happy? being around my friends
Do you wish you were happier?: yes
Is being happy overrated?: i dont think so
Can music make you happy?: of course

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: never really
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: not sure
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?: i dont think so

HATE SECTION.
Who do you actually hate?: no one really
Ever made a hit list?: lol, ya
Have you ever been on a hit list?: hope not
Are you a mean bully?: i can be
Do you hate George Bush?: yes

SELF ESTEEM SECTION.
Is your self-esteem extremely low?: yes
Do you believe in yourself?: not really, it depends
Are you good looking, do you deny you are?: i dont think so
Do you wish you can be someone else?: sometimes

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: blonde
Whats your natural color?: blondeish
What color are your eyes?: bluey-green
Current Piercings?: just my ears
Straight Hair or Curl?: straightish

CURRENTLY WEARING.
What shirt are you wearing?: blink182 tshirt
Shorts: no
Shoes?: nope
Underwear?: my pink stripey ones :P
Necklaces: nope

THIS OR THAT.
Rock or rap: rock
Coffee or Hot Cocoa: hot chocolate
Wild Night out or Romantic Night: bit of both
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Hummer or Sports Car: sports car
Bracelet or Necklace: necklace
History or Science: history
Sleep in or Early to rise: sleep in
Beach or Boardwalk: beach
Hoodie or Tee Shirt: tshirt
Night or Day: night
High School or college: neither, they both suck
California or Florida: florida
Simple Plan or Good Charlotte: simple plan
Love at first sight or Learn to Love: learn to love

THE LAST.
person you talked to in person?: my mom
person you talked to online?: angela
person you talked to on the phone?: mommy
drink?: weird tasty light juice
laugh?: like, 10 mins ago. about my laugh?
shower?: last night??

RANDOM.
Do you like surveys: no, but they give me something to do
What kind of shampoo do you use?: fructis
Do you get along with your parents?: usually
Are you old enough to vote?: no
Do you have mental breakdowns?: sometimes
Did you ever tell your parents you didn't feel good so you didn't have to go to school?: haha yes

CURRENT.
-Current Mood: tired, but happy
-Current music: none
-current hair: ponytail with bangs out
-Current Annoyance: nothing
-Current Longing: nothing
-Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: sleeping :P
-Current Windows Open: msn, livejournal
-Current desktop picture?: fighting machine hamster picture/comic
-Current Favorite Music Artist?: panic! at the disco or mxpx
-Current Book: no book right now :( i was supposed to borrow a book from kylas mom but i forgot it
-Current CD in stereo: mxpx - panic

i need to update...?

2006-02-10T03:52:36Z

OK, since I haven't updated with anything interesting in like, forever, I figured that I'd write today (and also Amanda told me to). So what's been happening lately....? Hmm, dance has been really good for me lately. This and last week have been so good, last week I got measured for costumes, which is really exciting. My jazz dance is to Beautifully Broken by Ashlee Simpson, and all I know about the costume is that it's a dress/skirt, and the dance is more lyrical than real jazz. I love it so much, except it's really hard, because it's so fast (one of the parts). And tap is all swingy, but we don't know what the costume is yet - Susan (studio manager) is finding one for us this week. And I'm SO excited for ballet. It's kind of hard to explain, and we haven't started the dance yet, but it's kinda like...farm girl kinda thing? But not really...the only way I know how to describe it is that it's like in this movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. It's cool though. So 2 of the 3 costumes are dresses for sure, and my tap dance is seeming like it will be too. That's good, because dancing in dresses is so much more fun than pants. I'm so excited for showcase now. But it will be sad too, cause a bunch of the seniors are leaving. Rachel (Steve's girlfriend), Asthra, Rebecca, and a bunch of others, including Steve, won't be back next year. There's going to be lots of crying after the show this year.

I think I'll be grounded for the rest of my life. I got grounded because of my last report card, and the deal with my parents was that I pull my marks up, do my homework, and all that junk, and I'd get the computer back and be allowed out during the week after the next report. But it turns out I'm still not doing so good. I'm failing math. A 40, actually. And I had a 60 last term, which is bad now. I don't think I'm doing well in science, and I think my english mark has gone down. Music, woodworking, cooking and civics are all really ood marks, and history, which I failed last term, has gone up to a 52. So yes, grounded for forever. At least I'll be free in the summer, assuming I don't fail anything at the end of the year.

AH! Why is there no snow!? It's February, and there's supposed to be snow. I want to go snowboarding again. But tomorrow I'm doing the next best winter thing. I'm going skating! Downtown, at City Hall with Katelyn and I'm crazy excited.

50% girly!

2006-02-07T02:37:18Z

Whee, since nothing exciting has been happening and I feel like I'm neglecting my lj, I snagged this from the bulletin thinger on myspace (twas Amandas).

[x] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted
[x] during the summer pretty much the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] the only reason i go to school is for the boys!! duhh!
[x] my favorite toy as a child were barbies and dolls
[x] my favorite color is pink or purple
[x] when i was young i danced ballet
[x] i looove skirts!
[ ] hollister/abercrombie/aero is my favorite place to shop
[ ] tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear
[x] i love chocolate
[x]my hair is straightened or scrunched and worn down like every day
[x] i am on MSN/AIM atleast 5 hours a day
[ ] i have at least 8 myspace pictures
[x] i usually go shopping once a week
[x] i love to hang out at the mall with friends
[x] i have a real diamond ring or diamond earrings
[ ] ive had atleast 10 boyfriends
[ ] i've gone to a tanning salon
[x] i go to the beach to tan - not to swim
[x] i have atleast 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] i watch either the OC or Laguna Beach every week
[ ] i change my icon weekly
[ ] i would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic
[ ] my cell phone might as well become a part of me
[x] wear eye liner, mascara, or cover up everyday
[x] i've been or am on a diet
[x] bathing suits are adorable!
[ ] i dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat
[ ] big sunglasses are hot
[x]i have gotten my nails done
[x] i own over 10 purses
[ ] MTV is my favorite channel
[ ] all i do at sleepovers is talk about boys, boys and more boys!
[x] i love to have other girls do my hair and make-up
[ ] i dont understand how people can like Fall Out Boy, From First to Last, System of a down, and all of those other crazy bands! who are they anyway?
[x] i love to give and recieve hugs
[x] i hate bugs
[x] carnivals are very fun
[x] summer is THE best season
[x] i am selfconcious
[x] i cry often
[ ] i dont do sports
[ ] i HATE to run
[x] i squeal when i am suprised or angry
[x] i dance allll the time
[x] i usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house
[x] i only have like 5 billion hair products
[ ] preps are the best guys : )
[x] i love to get dressed up
[ ] every part of my outfit needs to match
[ ] i talk on the phone atleast once a day to my friends
[ ] i would love to have a photo shoot of myself
[ ] one of my myspace pictures is of me making a kissy face
[ ] price on clothes hardly matters
[x] i apply lip gloss 200 times a day
[x] i wish i was a model
[ ] i wish i could meet Paris Hilton
[x] i have worn something that was semi slutty on halloween
[ ] i own Uggs
[ ] Hip Hop is the best music
[ ] i pop my collar
[ ] i like to be the center of attention
[x] mohawks are NOT cute.
[ ] horses are beautiful but i would never ride one
[x] i'd rather not pay attention in school - i'd rather talk
[x]i've gotten detention for talking
[x] cats are adorable
[ ] tall dark and handsome are the only guys i look for
[ ] write poems or my own music
[x] i love it when a guy wears good smelling cologne
[x] i can get very jealous
[x] i would love to visit Hawaii
[ ] Valentines day is so cute! and its definttely not just a way to make money!
[x] white is better then black
[x] i wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[x] i hate the grunge look of a beard - must be clean cut
[ ] i love to read gossip magazines
[x] i love to gossip!
[ ] my friends and i are in a strict group. we mostly only hang out with each other
[ ] i kiss and tell!
[ ] old ladies are adorable
[ ] i LOVE kids
[ ] i'm all about being vegetarian
[ ] i refuse to eat at Mcdonalds
[x] i check my myspace everyday (shh...)
[ ] i LOVE life!
[x] i have a lot of jewlery!
[x] claires has cheap jewlery!
[ ] my screen names have x's in them
[ ]either one of my myspace/msn names has <3's in them
[ ] i would never want to be a guy!
[x] i love doing yoga

Extra emotional....again

2006-01-30T19:51:02Z

You know how I supposedly get extra emotional at a certain time every month? Well, I think I'm at that time once again. Everything feels really crappy today, and there's actually no reason for it. When I had my shower this morning, I was getting really mad about something that's been going on lately, because what they're doing doesn't even make any sense. And I was getting very worked up about it, and was all set to say nasty things to that person. But then I didn't. And then I wanted to go downtown to see Yellowcard today (at the Edge or wherever) but my mom wanted me to stay home and study for my science exam tomorrow, which I know I'm going to fail whether I study or not. So then I ate lunch and watched tv for a bit, and then I just decided that I want to put this song I downloaded last night onto my ipod so I can listen while I read over my notes and stuff. But my brother is on the computer, so I asked if I could put the song on, and he was like, "no, I'm on here". He's always playing that stupid game. Like honestly, He's been on there since before I got up, and he hasn't moved since then. I hardly ever get to go on the good computer anymore, becaue if Steve's not on there, than my dad is working, and if he's not working, he's playing that game. So when I do manage to get on there, unless I'm doing something that absolutely CAN NOT be done on the lap top, my brother insists that I should get off so he can play his game, because all I'm doing is talking on msn. So what?? I hate this laptop so much. It's a slow piece of crap with no USB port. So ya, after he refused to minimize his game so I could spend 20 seconds putting the song onto my ipod, I definately felt like crying. I'm so mad at him, I wanted to smack him right then. And he asks me all the time if he can check his email or whatever while I'm on there, and even if I say no, he forces me out of the way, and does it anyways. And then when I ask him if I can do something, he brings that up and will be like "I always ask if I can check my email or something, and you never let me, so I'm not going to let you", so I tell him that he makes me move and does it anyways, and he just tells me to force him to move then. HE KNOWS I CAN'T. That's why he can get me out of the way!! BECAUSE HE'S STRONGER THAN ME. ARG!! Well, apparently he's having a shower now, so lucky me, I get the computer for a couple minutes, until he decides that he's done studying and comes back.

Crazy dreams....

2006-01-28T15:58:35Z

Last night I had the weirdest dreams in the world. K so the first one, me and Amanda were at school, in the cafeteria, and you know thosw big like, circular desk things? For lottery tickets and stuff? Well, there was one of those, and these guys came in with guns, and they were getting all the money from behind the desk, and the one was all like "GET DOWN!!", and Amanda was like, "This is stupid" so she goes over to the guy and starts telling him off, and he got all mad at her and pointed the gun at her, and she was like "Go ahead, shoot me, or break my legs, it's ok" and I was yelling at her the whole time, and then the guy fired 3 shots into the ceiling, and Amanda was like "Whatever" so he pointed the gun at her (me sobbing/yelling at her) and then at me, and then he fired 14 shots into the ceiling, and was like "SEE THAT? YOU MADE ME WASTE 14 SHOTS!!" and then he left, and I started crying, so Amanda came over and gave me a hug, and I'm pretty sure she started crying, and then I woke up. It was so weird, I felt like crying when I woke up. OK then I fell back asleep, and had another dream with Amanda in it (crazy, I know). We were at my grandparents house, but we went grocery shopping at this store Tops, which is in the states. We were waiting in the part of the store where all the shopping carts and vending machines are, and there was this machine for some alcoholic thing, in these little bottles, and they were $0.75, so Amanda was like "yum", and she put the money in, but didn't press the button cuz people were coing out of the store, and then some people went up to the machine, and pressed the button, and started questioning me and Amanda about the money in the machine and stuff, and then my mom came out of the store, and was whispering to me like "Does Amanda drink?" and I kinda shrugged and was like kinda not really, and she was like "You sure?" and I was like "well, she does drink" and my mom was all shocked...and then I all stealthy like put the bottle in my pocket, and we went back to my grandparents house. And then, because obviously we wanted to drink the alcoholic thinger (I think it was one of those little bottles of Crown Royal), we said we were gonna go for a walk to the fountain, but then we went to the corner store, and I wanted to get a freezie, but I opened the freezer and the box was moving, and I was like "There's a rat in here!" even though I couldn't see it, so I got an ice cream cone instead...and I'm pretty sure we drank the thing, but then meredith was there too? I don't know, so she helped us drink it, and then we went back to the house (except it had somehow turned into my neighbours house?) and then Conor was there (AHH!!) and was like, "I wanted to come with you...."then he went upstairs. And uh, this next bit, I'm not sure if it was the same dream or not, but it was still really weird. So we (me, my mom, my aunt, and I think my 2 cousins) were at this place where it was all like, tropical and beachy, and my aunt was whining about how her husband wasn't there, and she had rented the same room as last time they went and everything. And then I guess I was like, walking around in some forest, and there were like, politicians argueing at the bottom of this hill, and I don't really understand what was happening, but like, really big logs kept falling through the trees, but not hitting anyone? It was so weird, and then we were all back at the top of the hill, looking for these bugs, the had like, a "mother bug", this one that was like, bigger than all the other ones, and really bright coloured, and really dangerous, like could kill you (the littles ones just bit and made you itchy), and then I was like, sitting on a log or something, and I saw this really big bug, and I thought it might be it, so I turned around to tell someone, and then I turned back around to look at it, but it was gone, and I saw it on my leg so I started yelling and stuff, then someone got rid of it and I started crying anf hugging my mom. The end. My dog woke me up at this point and stole my stuffed doggie. So I chased her downstairs and couldn't be bothered going back to bed.

herm.... :(

2006-01-24T21:37:49Z

Yesterday started off pretty good. School wasn't too bad, we didn't do much cuz of exams starting, and then after school we were supposed to go to the Hard Rock Cafe for Kyla's birthday. She had to go to physio, so I went to Katelyn's for a bit, before we went to Kyla's. We had Mr. Noodles and candy necklaces, and then sat around waiting for Kyla to call. She did, and apparently we weren't going downtown anymore, because Angela had to go to Ajax or something cuz there was something wrong with her Nanna. So we went to Kyla's for pizza and cake. It was actually really fun, cuz Kyla's cake had Harry Potter on it, and we were very spastic with the sparkler lighting. It didn't work out so good. And Kyla opened presents, and we got some very interesting pictures of that. So we hung out and did not a whole lot (except we blew up balloons, and Rudi tied his first balloon), and then we watched some really funny videos on the internet, and decided that we should make our own video. It would be a dance (of course), to I Write Sins Not Tragedies. Lots of effort went into it (not really) and we were gonna start filming, and then Katelyn's phone rang, and it was her mom, saying that Angela's Nanna had passed away. It was so sad, we sat around and just talked for a while after that. I'm so sad for Angela, and now I'm worried about her. Kyla said that she wasn't doing so good when she went over when Angela heard that something was wrong, and now I can't even imagine how she's feeling. But I don't even know where she is right now, or if she even wants to talk about it. She's always there for me when I need her, even though I haven't known her that long, and now I want to be there for her, but I'm not sure if that's what she wants.

So yes, yesterday ended pretty badly. And today was my history exam, at 2:00, so I met up with Amanda at Woodbine, and we went....and it was pretty easy, except for a couple of questions. And then we saw Conor (ugh) outside of guidance when Amanda was figuring out her schedule, and then he took the subway with us. My actual plan was to kinda get away from him, so I asked Amanda if she wanted to go to Timmy's, and then silly Amanda asked if Conor wanted to come. And of course, he did. So off we go, and I got some hot chocolate, and then we took the subway back to Woodbine, and he asked me if I wanted to do something again this weekend...and I said I don't know, not really....and then there was awkward silence. Blarg. I honestly need to fix something about myself. How can I go from liking someone so much that I hope he'll take the same bus as me, to wanting desperately for him to NOT come hang out with us? How does that even work? When he's around....it's just so boring. Like, I don't really dislike him, but he's just not an exciting person. I know I'm not really either, but at least when I'm around my crazy fun friends, I try to have fun. I'm sure he's having fun (but maybe not...I don't really want to ask him), but I don't want to sit there and talk to him (just him) about his classes....or skateboarding....or some movie. He may not have noticed this about my personality yet, but a lot of the time when I'm around my friends, I just like to listen. I don't ALWAYS want to talk. If I'm not talking, it doesn't automatically mean that I'm not having fun and need someone to start talking to me. Arg. But I can't tell him that, because then it will seem like I'm telling him that I don't want to talk to HIM. I just don't always want to talk to anyone. That's how I AM. ljnsdpflnsijsa.

"Don't move, I'll get ski patrol"

2006-01-22T00:34:13Z

HAHAHA today I went snowboarding with Amanda. It was seriuosly the funnest thing ever. We left at like, 8:40 this morning, and my dad drove us and my brother, and we watched Out Cold on the way up there for like, 2 hours. And then we got Amanda's retal board and boots and WENT SNOWBOARDING!!! We made the smart decision to not go on the little hill first, and went on a funner one. It was so funny, Amanda could hardly go for more than a couple of feet before she either fell or sat down, and I had to keep waiting for her. And I was yelling at her to turn, only I wasn't actually telling her how to, and it was tres tres funny. But then by like, our 4th run, she had figured out how to turn so it was all good. We kept going into the chalet and changing and stuff, first we went with our coats, and then we went in and took off our coats (so we just had sweaters) and then we went back and took our sweaters off and wore our coats again. And Amanda changed her gloves multiple times, and I had to tighten her boots a bazillion times. Oh my gosh, I think I'm in love with my board. I got it last year but didn't get to use it, and I swear, it's my new best friend. It's the nicest thing ever, and the bindings are so much more amazing than the ones on my old board. And I'm so glad I didn't rent, the stupid rental board had the crappy bindings where you "just step in", except they kept not working, and we'd have to sit at the top of the hill for like, half an hour trying to fix it. GRR. Big waste of time. Boarding is my new favorite thing to do now, and I want to go again real soon. It's the best feeling in the world, going crazy fast, and then turning real fast, and falling is also pretty fun. Not the falling where you make yourself fall to stop, the falling where you're going, and you just tumble and flip. Yes that's right, Sarah, who is the leat reckless person in the world, enjoys going fast with my feet strapped to a board, and doing something stupid, knowing I'll fall. Hehe, this is probably good for me, I should go more often :P And there's sooooo many really good looking snowboarding boys. Like really, they are quite nice to look at. But shh, because otherwise the hills will be insanely overcrowded with girls who just want to get guys. And while the boys are an added bonus, they are not the reason I love snowboarding so much. I need to go again. Amanda is now my official snowboard buddy, but I don't care who I go with (actually I do, but I'm not too picky). Downside = it's kinda expensive. But that's ok. So yes, anyone who wants to go, I'm definately going with you.

hjabhjbvs

2006-01-15T04:58:38Z

I just had an interesting conversation with someone I don't particularly like. She hates me apparently. Which is cool I guess, because I don't really talk to her...But it's kinda weird how she can "hate" me, when I don't even talk to her, and I've never done anything to her. I hardly even talked to her when we did hang out. So whatever, she hates me because of how I am (I'm waaaay different from her) and I dislike her because she is (was?) mean to me, and all she talks about is sex and music that I don't care about. Oh, and being drunk, and how her parents walk around naked. No thank you. So now, every once in a while she says something mean to me online. Very nice, don't you think?

'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
fuck you
Sarah says:
why
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
because if you had the balls you'd say the same to me. so fuck you. now say it back coward.
Sarah says:
why would i want to say it to you?
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
why not?
Sarah says:
i dont see the point?
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
this is unfair punishment. I'm drunker than you. Just do something fun and tell me to fuck offf?!
Sarah says:
no thank you
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
you are absolutely 500% not fun.
Sarah says:
er....sorry i dont want to be mean to you?
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
I hear you do
Sarah says:
really
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
mhmm. Don't worry.. I know you hate me. so just do me a favour and have the balls to be mean to me sometime k? CHEERS
Sarah says:
i dont hate you
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
fair enough
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
you should
Sarah says:
why?
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
because I'm far too mcuh of an awful life-fucking up person to have people be as nice to me as they are.
Sarah says:
oh
Sarah says:
well, you havent really done anything to me, so i dont see why i should hate you
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
that's very mature of you. see, I am not as good of a person. I just don't like your personality... so I don't like you. You're outlook is far superior to mine.
Sarah says:
well, your personality annoys me quite a bit too....but i dont see that as a reason to hate you
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
uh huh
Sarah says:
why would you describe yourself as "awful life-fucking up person"?
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
I don't like anyone... and all I can do is fuck up my life. simple as that. I'm wasted hun... it'll make sense if you drink a beer.
Sarah says:
i dont like beeer
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
that's sad. not even the smell?
Sarah says:
lol, nope
Sarah says:
its gross....i have nothing against alcohol in general, i just dont like beer
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
beer's smell is one of the most heavenly things in the world... sometimes beer doesn't taste so great... like when you're hung over... or when it's warm... but it ALWAYS smells good
Sarah says:
lol
Sarah says:
to each their own
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
eigh
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
t
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
I'm spinnin
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
it's time for me to be off
'algol.poc@hotmail.com' says:
cheers

Today was pretty fun. Katelyn and Angela came over and we played DDR and Nintendo. Very very fun stuff. And then me and my dad ordered pizza with chicken and feta cheese and red peppers on it, and it was the tastiest pizza ever. ARG. There we go again, my "healthy eating plan" goes staright down the toilet. All right, I understand when people tell me that I'm young, anf should enjoy eating crappy food while I can. SOMETIMES. I don't think it's that good for me to be eating all this bad food every day. It's just not. Of course I enjoy it, but I also know that it's actually horrible for my body. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I shouldn't care about my health. I know my body well enough to know that when I eat a LOT of bad food, I feel really gross, and I have no energy. When I eat healthy food, I have more energy, plus I sleep better and don't feel sicksish. How can I lose by not eating unhealthy foods? Other than the fantastic taste, I mean:P

Oh, fun day...

2006-01-14T04:15:35Z

Today was the funnest day since forever (maybe). School was fairly boring, but then after school I went home, and then we were supposed to go downtown (me, Amanda, Kyla). Only then Kyla couldn't come, so Matt and Ross came, and Ross drove us to Yorkdale. It was crazy. We walked around the mall for a while, and I swear, it's not a good idea to take (immature) guys into any store worth buying stuff at. And we ate and stuff, and then left, and Amanda and Matt were fighting over the front seat, so Ross pulled Matt out of the car, and then we er....kinda drove away. And Matt pulled his pants down, and someone apparently said he has a nice ass. Hmm. It was exciting. And then we went to Wendy's and Tim Hortons, and me and Amanda had a frosty. I love frostys. But ya know what's not so good? The fact that I had an ice cap yesterday and a chocolate milkshake the day before. Grr. Those drinks are like, the worst things in the world for you. Instead of eating healthier, like I had planned, lately I've just been eating less. Still some healthy foods, but I mostly just don't feel all that hungry lately. Don't know why. But it's probably not the greatest thing.

I haven't talked to the boy yet. I know I probably should have already, but I haven't. The opportunity just hasn't quite some up yet. I'm hoping he'll email me soon so that I can reply and tell him that I don't want to do this right now. But he hasn't yet, so I'm just gonna wait a bit longer, I think. I don't want to email him and be just like "ya, I know I said I'd go out with you, but I don't want to anymore. sorry". Cuz that's reeaal harsh.

Haha, we're gonna play Dance Dance Revolution tomorrow. It's gonna be intense.

stripeytiger @ 2006-01-11T22:31:00

2006-01-12T03:31:54Z

He asked me out again. Just as I was getting off the bus. He asked me if I wanted to do something again, and I told him that I don’t know, cuz I’m grounded and stuff. I told him I’d talk to him later. Arg. So the plan is to tell him that I don’t think this will work right now, cuz I’m grounded and stuff, and it would be too hard and stuff. So ya. I’m a bit scared about that one

I went back to dance today, and I don’t even know what to think about it. Jazz was hard, cuz I haven’t danced in like, 3 weeks, but I didn’t think it was too bad. Other than the usual corrections and stuff, and my reflections on how I’m really not that good, and am struggling so much. And tap was real good, there was only the four of us today, and I got to see Laura. Herm. My weight got brought up twice, and it kinda freaked me out. Laura was poking me when I was lying on the floor, and she was like “Sarah’s so skiiiiinnnyyyy! I hate you.” And I told her to stop poking my fat, an she just kinda laughed at me. And I saw Rachel (Steve’s girlfriend) too, because she’s taking modern now, and she was talking to my mom, and she asked where I was, and my mom told her that I was in class, and Rachel was like “Oh really? I didn’t see her” And then she looked in and was like “omg! She’s so skinny, I didn’t see her!”. That freaks me out, because I know I’m not skinny. I have come to the conclusion that I know I’m not fat, but I still don’t like how big I am. And my “healthy eating plan” is not working so well at the moment. I have had cravings for chocolate, and candy, and salty greasy things. And yesterday I had come peanut butter cups, candy covered Kisses, these random candies, and some other junk food, except I can’t remember what. Oh, I had noodles. Which isn’t too bad, they’re just really salty. And yaa. I don’t know. I’m scared to weigh myself again, because I don’t want to find out that I’ve gained weight. Also, today I noticed something kinda weird. I was looking at myself in the mirrors during tap, and I noticed that from the side, I’m really like….narrow. Except for my bum. And then from the front, I look wider. Like, my hips are crazy wide (but flat, apparently). But my ribs (just below my boobs) is really small. I don’t get it. I feel like I’m only this big because of all the crappy food I eat, like I’m actually supposed to be smaller. I don’t know. I’ll start eating my healthy food again I guess, and hope for the best.

I have another problem... :(

2006-01-10T23:04:24Z

I really really don't want to go out with him again. I am very sure that I don't like him that way anymore, so I don't want to go out again. Problem is that I already told him I wanted too. Bad move. Because now I have to somehow tell him that I don't want to. I don't want to lead him on, letting him think that I want to go out with him, because that's waaay not cool, and not fair to either of us. But I still don't want to hurt him. I don't know what to say to him...I told someone today (that I don't want to go out with him) and she said that I should tell him I don't want to, when he brings it up. But I have to be honest, and I can't lie to him. So that's what I'll do, I guess. I can't think of anything else I might be able to do, so that's the plan so far. Hmm. I am pretty sure this is like, the fastest I've ever gotten over someone. Nothing usually happens when I like a guy (either because I'm too scared to do something, or I know he's an asshole and wouldn't want to go out with him anyways), and when it does, I tend to get tired of it pretty fast. I know, I haven't really gone out with anyone in a while, but still. When I did, if we both liked each other, once I started spending time with him and stuff, it got reeeaaaallly boring. Like honestly, what on earth are you supposed to talk about? They're like penguins, I swear. I'm bad at relationships:P

Pistacio Pudding

2006-01-08T03:51:44Z

For the last hour of my life, I think I was more bored than I have ever been. So you know what I did? I wrote out all the words from that lovely video entitled "Pistacio Pudding". Yes that's right, I sat there....listening, and wrote down everything that was said.

PISTACIO PUDDING:

It's a balmy November day and for fun I decide to buy a balmy November jacket. I find one that fits great, and the salesguy thinks so too ("You're #1, yaa"). These days are slow so I do a word search puzzle called "at the zoo". I end up going crazy cuz I can't fin the word lobster. Finally the hill opens and I get to go snowboarding. I drink tea in December and I pretend that my banana is a cell phone while sitting on the chairlift with complete strangers. They think I'm crazy and I think they're investment bankers. Obviously I fire the guy I'm talking to (You're fired!"). In comes January and I go snowboarding with friends we give each other high fives and yell WOO! ("woo!" "WOO!") One of them falls in the lift line and I use my favorite joke "don't move I'll get ski patrol!" No one thinks it's funny but me and a young lady is holding a penguin I don't know why. I wake up and it's February. I suspect more frequently that the dark lor Sauron after failing with rings has moved on to spoons ("aaaah"). I recycle these spoons because I'm responsible, and because a monkey falls over in March. My friends and I find ourselves sliding around in a generally downward direction and I learn a valuable lesson regarding banana peels and me sliding on them. Then, while walking down the Valley Trail, my balmy November jacket gets pickpocketed and I don't even notice till it's too late ("huh....DAMMIT!!"). So I go to the rendezvous in April where I and a friend drink some tea and have in-depth arguments about the smurfs. To settle our dispute we decide to have an indian leg wrestle. My friend cheats and wins so I pour pepper in his tea. Someone tries to tell me the workers uniforms are baby blue when they're obviously teal and it's May! I snow board on Whistler and while riding up the T-bar I fantasize about a reverse gravity suit that when you turn it on would let you ride up the mountain. But then I realise that by reversing gravity you would actually just fall straight up into the sky (on no!) so never mind! It's June and I'm watching the movie The Ring. Halfway through I get a telephone call where a soft voice says to me "seven days" I tell them I think they have the wrong number and too much pistacio pudding makes me feel sick. I walk out my front door and it's July. I go snowboarding on the glacier where I'm attacked by a snow walrus disguised as one of my friends. I go to Java and while some guy squirts milk out his eyeball and eats a sausage roll, I eat a cookie and talk with some old rusted slinky who challenges me to a race up some stairs. Then I fall and hit my face. The slinky wins, but I suspect foul play. I go to the lake, cuz it's August, and I need a quick cooldown. Unfortuneately the beach is packed with people and I'm starting to get a little desperate in September. Although riding on leaves is fun I go for a stroll through the village and it's dead. An old friend calls me and says we need to talk so we grap some slurpeesand head out for some late night lunging down the Valley Trail. Lunging really is sensational, especially in October when, I decide that after nearly a year off, it's time for me to re-embark upon the quest for the ever elusive lobster. And that's when it hit me. Lobster. Lobster! L-O-B-S-T-E-R, lobster, yes, but also streblo. Or STREBLO! Steblo...Finally I can see what's going on here with the Santa Claus and the foggy park and the blueberry muffin and the drinking of the tea and the pet rock and the crazy orangutan. Streblo...streblo. Streblo!! *streblo* NOOOOOO!!!!! DAMN YOU STREBLO!!!!

Haha, that's all. You must watch the video now. It can be found here: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/pistachio.php

stripeytiger @ 2006-01-06T21:04:00

2006-01-07T02:36:15Z

Hahaha, I know I just updated like, 2 seconds ago. But I stole this one from Amanda, so here ya go.

Name: Sarah Rae Saloranta
Birthday: August 15 1990
Birthplace: Toronto Ontario

Current Location: Toronto
Eye Color:blue/green
Hair Color: blonde
Height: 5'3 and a bit
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: Finnish, German, Scottish, Polish
The Shoes You Wore Today: my vans
Your Weakness: my looks :(

Your Fears: needles and spiders
Your Perfect Pizza: cheese, chicken, red peppers, and feta cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: get better at dancing, and look better...and feel better about myself i guess
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: mhm or lol
Thoughts First Waking Up: "i need to sleep"
Your Best Physical Feature: erm...I don't know
Your Bedtime: around 2:30 lately
Your Most Missed Memory: all my memories of Raechel
Pepsi or Coke: pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates: group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I HATE ICE TEA X2487214902849-21 (good answer, Amanda)
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: nope
Do you Swear: nope :p
Do you Sing: only when no ones listening
Do you Shower Daily: usually
Have you Been in Love: no
Do you want to go to College: or university

Do you want to get Married: mhm
Do you belive in yourself: not usually
Do you get Motion Sickness: nope
Do you think you are Attractive: no

Are you a Health Freak: no, but i should be
Do you get along with your Parents: yep
Do you like Thunderstorms: i LOVE thunderstorms
Do you play an Instrument: yes, piano and clarinet

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: i had wine on christmas, lol
In the past month have you Smoked: nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs: nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes :)
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no, i dont like oreos
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:no
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes!
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: its a bit cold out :P
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: nope
Ever been Drunk: haha no :P
Ever been called a Tease: dont think so
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: nope
How do you want to Die: in my sleep, when im old

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: rich :D ahha, i have no idea...maybe a nutritionist
What country would you most like to Visit: i want to go back to Mexico

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green
Favourite Hair Color: not blonde
Short or Long Hair: doesnt matter, just not longer than mine
Height: taller then me
Best Clothing Style: not gangster, and not a slob?
Number of Drugs I have taken: none
Number of CDs I own: not that many...
Number of Piercings: 2
Number of Tattoos: none
Number of things in my Past I Regret: waaaay too many to count

Musical excitement??

2006-01-07T02:04:03Z

Hahahaahahah....so apparently Fall Out Boy is coming to Toronto in May with the All American Rejects, Hawthorne Heights, and some other bands, and it's funny, cuz they didn't choose a very good location. They're playing at the Ricoh Coliseum, which is that building at the CNE grounds, and it's got seats. Lots and lots of seats. I saw a horse show there once, and it does not seem like a good spot for a concert...but whatever. HAhahaha, I might actually go to that one, cuz the idea of it being seated does not scare me as much as any other concert would. So ya. And Yellowcard's coming to MOD on January 30th, and Kyla wants to go. What's the 30th....oh, it's a Monday, apparently. That means that technically, I could go. But I don't know if I want to. Hmm.

Lalalala....more than half of my Summer 2006 has already been taken up. July 6th to August 5th I'm at camp...and I'm getting picked up from camp, and going straight to Algonquin Park, where I'm camping for the weekend with my whole big family, and then the following week, I'm going on a canoe trip through Algonquin with a smaller group of family. I'm so excited, my mom thought that I'd be at Doe while the trip was happening, and they'd only be able to steal me for a weekend. Mhm, so that's 5 weeks of my summer, gone. Not gone, but not to be spent at home. And then the week after the trip is my birthday (which is a Tuesday, I believe), and I REALLY want to go to Wonderland this year. Then I don't know what I'm doing the last bit of the summer, but somebody had better be home to entertain me. After 4 weeks in the middle of nowhere (er...Huntsville), I'll be in like, friend withdrawal. It happened last year after only 2 weeks. But I LOVE camp, I already know that I'm gonna be waterfront staff, because it's soo much cooler being a lifegaurd than being recland staff. Plus you get paid more as a lifeguard, and you get to wear the cool waterfront clothes. I'm excited. So yes, can you tell that I'm already waiting for summer to get here? Since Christmas is over, I just need to go snowboarding, and then there's nothing left of the winter for me to look forward to. Except March break, but I am probably going to Florida, so that's like summer anyways.